Alzheimer's is incurable

You heard Glen Campbell has Alzheimer's, right?  Here is a video interview with him:

http://youtu.be/BCBCPVT93eg

Caregivers: Get a $350 Assessment for FREE

Check out the free dementia assessment tool that I am giving away. Its a $350 value and comes with 3 videos that explain how to fill it out. Ideal for someone taking care of a parent or spouse diagnosed with Alzheimer's: You can get a copy at
Caregiver Assessment Tool

SECONDLY:

There come a time in the progression of this illness, when you might have to make difficult choices. Probably the worst is considering placement. This is a very tough decision, and is different for everyone. Factors include: burnout, finances, care needs, and ultimately what is best for your loved one.
Granted, no one loves your mom or dad like you do. But there may be a time when you cannot provide them with enough care or stimulation. While you cannot stop the progress of this illness, you CAN slow it down. Assisted living communities have given researchers the evidence, that with daily regime of exercise (fine motor skills, gross motor movement) and stimulation (verbal, visual and auditory) you can slow it down!

Personal reasoning aside, choosing a community can be a difficult process. And you only want to have to do it once. Picking the wrong one and then going through the process of moving again can be very time consuming.

As an executive director of assisted living communities, I can tell you about "referral agencies". They are great because you give them all your information (locations, price range, etc.), and they will help you by narrowing down your choices. Best of all they are free to you! (We end up paying them for the referral, but its worth it to us). In all my years, one national company stands head and shoulders above the others: A Place For Mom.

What you don't know, is some 'free' referral agencies, will give you a short list, but blast your information to every home in the city, and you end up being bombarded with marketing calls. They do this so that they are assured that no matter where you go, they will make money. A Place For Mom does not do that. They are very personable, and efficient. They will hold your hand through the whole process and never let go. I think I speak for a lot of administrators and families when I say this.

Fight or Flight: The Result is The Same

If there is one thing in common for all caregivers it's STRESS! It doesn't seem to matter if you are caring for a parent or spouse or friend; if you are doing it long-distance or you are living in the same house - all caregivers suffer from stress. Call it "worry" , "anxiety", "fear" or any other word, the result is the same.
By result I mean the toll it is taking on your body and on your health. It is proven that long-term stress triggers the HPA response in your body. The HPA response refers to the Hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis. The end result of which is a triggering of the same hormones and neurotransmitters that are released in the "fight or flight" response.
"Fight or Flight" is the bodies emergency response system designed to survive an immediate threat to life and limb. Which is great, except when it does not turn off. The same response system when left on too long starts to eat away at our immune system, thus increasing the chance of catching colds, flu, and other illness. But that is only the beginning. it also starts tearing away at the body so that what helps us in the short term, starts damaging us in the long run, increasing our chances for heart attack, stroke, diabetes, and much more.
Almost every caregiver I ever met, was a caregiver for the first time, on a steep learning curve, and was thrust into the roll unexpectedly. Naturally, it is very stressful: financially, emotionally, and physically. It strains family relationships and disrupts plans and goals.
However, caregivers must remember to take care of themselves. If you are a caregiver you are probably struggling on your own, with little or no help. But if something should happen to you what will happen to your loved one? Do you see why controlling stress is so important. Half of all caregivers pass away before the person they caring for. I don't mean to be an alarmist, but you need to start taking better care of yourself.
How? By taking advantage of all the programs and services that are available for caregivers. Many of them for little or no money. You may be an expert in your field. But I am an expert in this field. If you need to do taxes you go to an accountant, if you go to court you need a lawyer, if you are building a home you go to a contractor. Why would you try to delve into the world of caregiving without guidance?
Do you know how much money you are losing going it alone? First, there are services, products and ideas that you missed because you did not know about them, then there are the cheaper (and sometimes better) alternatives to the things you DO know about, and finally there is the value of all the lost time you spent researching the tasks and services that you did find.
Consider signing up www.EasyCaregiving.com . You may very well be glad you did, and if you learn nothing new or helpful, it cost you nothing to look. In addition, as a Gerontologist, I have website with free membership: SIGN UP Just put your name and email address and get a free stress management recording that can de-stress your day to day frustrations. Later you will get a free ebook on how to handle "sundowning" or wandering, a very dangerous symptom that happens to about 70% of Alzheimer's sufferers.

Stress Is Not Permanent, It Only Feels That Way

take 2 minutes, sit back and let a little tension dissolve:



If you liked that, you can jump over to StopStressCold.com and check out some great articles on anxiety, hypnosis, stress management and more. I know the author, tell him Donahue sent you!

Part 1 of 3 solutions for caregiver stress

Subscribe to donahue101 to see videos on caregiver stress: here is the latest edition that begins the conversation about solutions.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAUzqTUgGyE

I did my homework, now you should do yours

Look down below this post and you will see my last blog about 4 easy steps to prevent Alzheimer's. In a nutshell they are Diet, Exercise (body and brain), Supplements and Stress Management. Thinking about how well I follow my own advice, I thought I should share with you my absolutely most favorite thing. For brain exercise, I use something called Luminosity. It is tons of fun, and good for you too...here is a link: Free Trial.
Try it out! Its free, but even at the end of trial it is pretty darn inexpensive. And afterall what is your brain health worth to you?

4 Easy Steps to delay or even prevent Alzheimer's Disease

Brain Health is important and often neglected. But it is possible to significantly delay or even prevent getting Alzheimer's. Here's how:

Diet:
This is easy, a heart healthy diet is a brain healthy diet. There is a lot of information out there on eating right to protect your heart. Just find it and follow it.
That said, I find that this is also the hardest step to implement. It takes a tremendous amount of will power to change our eating habits...permanently. Anyone who has ever dieted can do things like eat nothing but cabbage soup for a week, or only consume carbohydrates for months at a time. But that "life-time" type of change is another story. Subconsciously, I think we know it and when we are told "change what you eat", we immediately start to lose steam and enthusiasm.
So, let's forgot this step until you have started all of the other steps. Then I am going to ask you to make small incremental changes at your own pace. For example:
* Stop snacking before bedtime. After you eat dinner commit to not having another bite until breakfast.
* Cut your salad dressing use in half.
* Buy some apples and eat at least one a day. Experiment, see which ones you like. Buy Fuji apples one time, Gala the next, and Golden Delicious after that (make it fun).
You will be surprised how a small success like this will give you motivation to push to the next level. Lose just two pounds and your self-esteem will shoot through the roof. And if you have started the steps below you will find a hidden well-spring of desire in yourself. You will walk with a spring in your step and you will find yourself smiling a lot more often.

Exercise:
1. Physical exercise is paramount! You must do something, anything that gets your heart rate up, better still if you can do weight bearing exercise - anything that can either build up a little bulk or just tone what you have is vital for good brain health. If you have the time and money try Pilates. Pilates is great for Boomers because it focuses on core body strength. It's easy to do, and you get fast results.
Or if you can find an hour for yourself, three times a week, join the YMCA. I mention the Y because it is the least expensive gym, and the you will be surprised at the extent of great programs they offer. The YMCA has a lock on community and family building. You will be greeted at the door by real people, and generally speaking their staff are all committed, compassionate folk. There is none of that scrambling for membership dues, and you will never get that suspicious feeling that those "young jocks" are judging you, like you might at those fancy designer gyms.
Best of all you find more programs and lots of genuine support (that you don't have to hire trainers for!). Heck, they even have a pool! A big giant pool, not a funky little lap pool. Everyone knows the best exercise you can do is swimming, because you are not putting a strain on your joints and it exercises your whole body. Summary: Pilates or the YMCA.

2. Mental exercise is also very important: Challenge your brain, do stimulating stuff. The trick with this is to do something NEW! For example, if you have been doing crossword puzzles for 10 years, then you are not challenging your brain enough. By all means continue doing it, but don't just stop there. Learn Sudoku puzzles, learn chess, take a class at a community college.
This part always cracks me up. I advise people to challenge their brain and explain why, and the next time I see them they tell me they stopped because it was too hard. That was the point! Here's a personal example, I finally learned to Sudoku a couple of years ago. I had tried to Sudoku a couple of times before, but it made absolutely no sense, and I swore it was impossible to figure out what numbers went into what boxes (Sudoku is a number puzzle game where you are given a partially completed grid of numbers and are expected to figure out the missing numbers). I even harbored a strong dislike of those puzzles, reasoning that it was a stupid game with ridiculous rules.
What was that except my lazy brain not wanting to challenge itself? Keep that in mind, and if you find yourself, like me, having tried several things and given up, try thinking of your brain as a reluctant little fat kid trying to get out of Gym Class and don't buy into it! Force your brain to learn for its own good.

Supplements:
Most of us take supplements; that's good. Everybody also has their own sources of information for what they should take. However, if you only take one supplement, take Omega 3 Fatty Acid! It is the single most important and effective supplement for brain health.
Make sure when you buy it that it is "molecularly distilled" (this takes out impurities like Mercury). The recommended dose that is most often suggested is 1200 - 2400mg.
That said, here are a some further suggestions: take anti-oxidants. Anti-oxidants come in all shapes and sizes. Do your homework (it's good for your brain), start researching which ones you think are most effective. Some good sources are: aged garlic extract, Resveratrol, green tea extract, Vitamins A, E and C, the list is long. Warning: I am not a doctor, therefore I must advise you to check with your own doctor before starting any new supplements. There are good reasons for this, besides strange reactions that you might have, some supplements are very powerful. For example, garlic and ginkgo Biloba are blood thinners, your doctor needs to know you are thinking of taking it as a supplement. Especially if you are already taking a baby aspirin or are on Coumadin.
Be careful, don't be sucked into the next "fad" anti-oxidant. It seems that every week there is a newly discovered anti-oxidant in the rain forest that is a billion times more powerful than any other. That's all marketing BS. Someone is trying to make a lot of money off of you. Before you sign up for that special juice cocktail that gets delivered to your door, ask yourself "am I going to do this for the next 10 years or more?"

Eliminate Stress:
You cannot change your circumstances and the challenges in your life that stress you out. But you CAN change the way you react to it. There is not enough room here for a proper discussion on the topic, but just be aware that long-term stress is a killer. If you are doing everything listed above to stay healthy, stress will undo it! Unfortunately, knowing that you need to change the way you react to stress is infinitely harder that actually doing it. We are all conditioned over the years to react to stressful events a certain way. Changing this with awareness and willpower is nearly impossible. You may disagree, and if you can change just by deciding to not let stress rule you, God bless you. But if you are like me, your stress tolerance is embedded in your subconscious, and the best way to change your subconscious is with hypnosis or guided imagery. I'll tell you why.
Your mind is like an iceberg. About 20 percent of an iceberg is above the water, leaving the vast bulk of it below the surface. Your mind is similarly constructed, your conscious mind is around 12 percent, while subconscious mind is about 88 percent. Your subconscious holds your "life-script" the essence of who you are since you were a child. That "life-script" keeps us consistent, it is the status quo of our self image. Good or bad. Our script limits us to these preconceived notions and does not easily change. So when we decide to make significant changes, like exercising, changing food preferences, quitting smoking, losing weight, attracting a different kind of mate, we have to apply a lot of conscious will power to it, and we have to sustain it for a long time. If we let up too soon, our subconscious drags us back to the more familiar self concept - status quo.
Go back to the iceberg example. Imagine that the wind is blowing North but the ocean current is moving South, which way to you think the iceberg will move? South, of course. The wind is pushing against 20% of the mass, but the current is pushing against 80% of the mass. The wind doesn't have a chance. In similar fashion your mind will have little success when consciously trying to change.
However there is a way to change that "life-script" in the subconscious mind! Hypnosis. Don't let your preconceived notions about stage show hypnotists making someone quack like a duck, confuse you. Hypnotherapy is a well regarded and accepted therapeutic tool. The best part is it works fast. Guided Imagery is a very mild yet extremely effect form of hypnosis. And the beauty of it is you can listen to guided imagery on a CD in the comfort of your own home and realize amazing results.
For more information on this topic start with my website www.caregiverrelief.com. But don't stop there, do a google search on guided imagery and you will find tons of great information. Best of luck, and feel free to write me!

Spouse with Alzheimers

Joan is a new friend. She has an amazing blog that is suited for spouses of Alzheimer’s sufferers. Recently I read the following post and thought to share it with you. Please feel free to go find and read her post, and don’t forget www.caregiverrelief.com for your caregiving needs, and please sign-up for the free newsletter while you are there (you get a very valuable gift when you do!)

JOAN’S BLOG – WED/THUR, APRIL 22/23, 2009 – THE WORST CASE EVER

For those of you who are not aware, my husband has been refusing to take his second daily dose of the anti-rage medication, Risperdal. He was taking the morning pill, but absolutely refused to take the afternoon pill, because he “didn’t need it”. Before you start scolding me that I should have resorted to a variety of deceptive practices to have made sure it entered his body without him knowing it, you must understand his level of functioning. His problems are behavior, impulse control, anger, memory, language comprehension, and processing. He is fully aware of what is going on around him, knows every pill he takes, and would taste the difference if it were crushed up in his food. The repercussions of such deception would irreparably damage whatever peace had been achieved from the medication. Every doctor and social worker agreed – there is no way to get a pill into him if he refuses to take it.

Needless to say, the situation has been deteriorating steadily here since the elimination of that second pill. I could see the anger building; it was just a matter of time, and Tuesday was the day. I suppose I should have been grateful that he woke up refusing to speak to me rather than screaming at me. (No need to wonder why he was angry – it is ALWAYS the same – I destroyed his life, stole his freedom, made him a prisoner in his own home, by taking away his driving. He will never accept it and never forgive me. Period.) By the time we got to our support group meeting, the rage was so apparent on his face that those who know him well, and those who barely know him, remarked to me about it.

If I were in the mood to find humor in this situation, and I am not, I suppose it would almost be funny to say that he has now earned the undistinguished honor of being the worst, most stubborn, impossible to deal with “driving issue case” ever seen by every social worker, psychiatrist, psychologist, and doctor who has tried to deal with him. I have actually had two psychologists throw up their hands and say that there is nothing they can do for him. He is undealable ( I know that’s not a word – I made it up because it seems appropriate to the situation). The only option is to get him on the medication and keep him on it. Catch-22. He won’t take it and no one can make him take it.

What do you do when no professional can handle your situation? You handle it yourself. I spent 25 years dealing with brain damaged, psychotic, violent children, adolescents, and adults. I dusted off my therapist hat, locked my emotions in the closet, and spent 2 ½ hours dealing with the situation. In the end, he agreed to take the second pill, and I agreed to put his “travel” needs ahead of my work, and take him where he wants to go when he wants to go. My end of the bargain is irrelevant, because he will not be satisfied being “carted around by his wife”, as he calls it, but my hope is that the medication will once again smooth him out enough that we can both function at some level of peace.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

caregiver stress revisited

If you're like many people with Alzheimer caregiver stress, it means you're either the adult child or the spouse of a loved one with this devastating disease. Like many other people in your position you probably worry, "What happens if I become critically ill or succumb to heart attacks, strokes or maybe cancer?"

For many people with these medical conditions (including influenza, diabetes, cancer, etc.) stress played a large role in their circumstance.

An in-depth analysis can be found at www.caregiverrelief.com

Alzheimer Caregiver Stress Is Chronic Stress

First, let's look at chronic stress. Alzheimer caregiving stress, for example, is considered chronic stress because it's the result of constant exposure to circumstances and conditions often beyond your control that cause a hyper-alert state. You're frequently dealing with unpredictable and/or volatile situations and irrational behavior. To compound the problem it's often without reliable recourse that is dependable and consistent.

Living under such trying, emotional pressure has long-term effects on your mental health, with ailments like clinical depression. But it also has bearing on your physical heath.

In fact, the past 20 years of research shows that people who suffer from chronic stress, like caregiver stress, are at much greater risk FOR heart attacks, strokes, and even cancer than others in their age bracket. In fact, according to the Alzheimer's Association, 50% of caregivers die before the person they are caring for. It's theorized that chronic stress, which weakens the physical body, (and dampens the immune system) is one the main culprits for this high mortality rate.

What Happens Physically During Caregiver Stress?

First realize that stress is not an emotional state, but rather a physiological reaction that occurs in your body. Doctors refer to it as the hypothalamic pituitary axis; the connection between the hypothalamus, pituitary and the adrenal gland.

These three 'elements' work together in a stressful situation to put the body into a heightened state of preparation to overcome a potentially life threatening event. This stress reaction is actually a left over from a survival mechanism called, "Fight or Flight."

When faced with tremendous stress, where survival might hang in the balance, humans have one of two instant reactions – run from the situation (flight) or meet the challenge head-on (fight).

How a person reacts will differ from one to the next. But the thing that is consistent is the hypothalamic pituitary axis (HPA) itself. Everyone has the HPA and it regulates:

• Blood Pressure
• Heart Rate
• Body Temperature
• Sleep Patterns
• Hunger and Thirst
• Among many other activities

When stress becomes great, the HPA system takes over in a matter of seconds. Blood circulation is diverted from the extremities to internal organs. Adrenaline is secreted in massive amounts for instant energy. The adrenal gland starts producing and releasing steroid hormones, including the primary stress hormone cortisol. This hormone travels to all areas including the heart, lungs, circulation, metabolism, immune systems and skin.

Now, if a bear in the wild (or a thug on a street city corner) attacks you, then this HPA system can literally be a lifesaver. But here's the problem as it relates to Alzheimer caregiver stress…

When stress is routine, so is this constant biochemical release that, over time, actually harms the body in various ways such as:

• Decreased immune system
• Greater chance for infection and disease
• Digestive tract problems like ulcers
• Lung problems like asthma
• Heart disease, which causes strokes and heart attacks

The HPA system is an intelligent design within the human race. The problem is it doesn't automatically distinguish caregiver stress that is continuous, day after day, from a bear attack, which is temporary. That means the stress that caregivers endure is chronic, and therefore, more debilitating to the human body. The good news is there are ways to combat its effects.

It's called stress management.

How Does Stress Management Help with Alzheimer caregiver stress?

Good question! And that's the main purpose of my website www.caregiverrelief.com, because caregiver stress is practically unavoidable.

Alzheimer's Caregiver Stress rears its ugly head

Stress Management and Alzheimer Caregiver Stress

If you’re like many people with Alzheimer caregiver stress, it means you’re either the adult child or the spouse of a loved one with this devastating disease. Like many other people in your position you probably worry, “What happens if I become critically ill or succumb to heart attacks, strokes or maybe cancer?” For many people with these medical conditions (including influenza, diabetes, cancer, etc.) stress played a large role in their circumstance.
An in-depth analysis can be found at www.caregiverrelief.com

Alzheimer Caregiver Stress Is Chronic Stress.

First, let’s look at chronic stress. Alzheimer caregiving stress, for example, is considered chronic stress because it’s the result of constant exposure to circumstances and conditions often beyond your control that cause a hyper-alert state. You’re frequently dealing with unpredictable and/or volatile situations and irrational behavior. To compound the problem it’s often without reliable recourse that is dependable and consistent. Living under such trying, emotional pressure has long-term effects on your mental health, with ailments like clinical depression. But it also has bearing on your physical heath. In fact, the past 20 years of research shows that people who suffer from chronic stress, like caregiver stress, are at much greater risk FOR heart attacks, strokes, and even cancer than others in their age bracket.

In fact, according to the Alzheimer’s Association, 50% of caregivers die before the person they are caring for. It’s theorized that chronic stress, which weakens the physical body, (and dampens the immune system) is one the main culprits for this high mortality rate. What Happens Physically During Caregiver Stress? First realize that stress is not an emotional state, but rather a physiological reaction that occurs in your body. Doctors refer to it as the hypothalamic pituitary axis; the connection between the hypothalamus, pituitary and the adrenal gland. These three ‘elements’ work together in a stressful situation to put the body into a heightened state of preparation to overcome a potentially life threatening event.

This stress reaction is actually a left over from a survival mechanism called, “Fight or Flight.” When faced with tremendous stress, where survival might hang in the balance, humans have one of two instant reactions – run from the situation (flight) or meet the challenge head-on (fight). How a person reacts will differ from one to the next. But the thing that is consistent is the hypothalamic pituitary axis (HPA) itself. Everyone has the HPA and it regulates:

• Blood Pressure
• Heart Rate
• Body Temperature
• Sleep Patterns
• Hunger and Thirst
• Among many other activities

When stress becomes great, the HPA system takes over in a matter of seconds. Blood circulation is diverted from the extremities to internal organs. Adrenaline is secreted in massive amounts for instant energy. The adrenal gland starts producing and releasing steroid hormones, including the primary stress hormone cortisol. This hormone travels to all areas including the heart, lungs, circulation, metabolism, immune systems and skin.

Now, if a bear in the wild (or a thug on a street city corner) attacks you, then this HPA system can literally be a lifesaver. But here’s the problem as it relates to Alzheimer caregiver stress… When stress is routine, so is this constant biochemical release that, over time, actually harms the body in various ways such as:

• Decreased immune system
• Greater chance for infection and disease
• Digestive tract problems like ulcers
• Lung problems like asthma
• Heart disease, which causes strokes and heart attacks

The HPA system is an intelligent design within the human race. The problem is it doesn’t automatically distinguish caregiver stress that is continuous, day after day, from a bear attack, which is temporary. That means the stress that caregivers endure is chronic, and therefore, more debilitating to the human body. The good news is there are ways to combat its effects.
It’s called stress management.

How Does Stress Management Help with Alzheimer caregiver stress? Good question! And that’s the main purpose of my website www.caregiverrelief.com, because caregiver stress is practically unavoidable. But what we can do is minimize it as much as possible. There are two ways to do that:

1. Seek out and learn about as many services, programs and products as possible. Armed and educated, we can choose the ones that will save us money, or save us work, or help us be better at what we do for our loved one.
2. Find ways to lessen our remaining stress, turn off that HPA system, enjoy life, and find better ways to cope.

Proven relaxation techniques include:
• Guided Imagery
• Meditation & Prayer
• Utilizing Adult Day Care
• Asking Friends and Relatives for help
• Listening to Music
• Going to the Movies
• Humor
• Massage Therapy
• Going for a Walk
• Exercise

The bottom line is simple…if you don’t accept help or address your stress your HPA system will tear down your body. With 50% of all caregivers dying before those they care for, it’s important that as caregivers you make sure that care includes yourself too. If you end up as one of the 50%, you won’t be there for your loved one; therefore defeating your original commitment to your loved one.

So always take some time to focus on you. That’s why at www.caregiverrelief.com you will find guided imagery CD’s, prayers, inspirational quotes and links to other sites that are humorous or relaxing. They’re all designed to help you – the caregiver. Most of all, for lasting results, we recommend guided imagery. But be sure to visit our other pages as well since you’ll find options for hands-on training and guidance in reliving your Alzheimer caregiver stress.

In the next post I will tell you the one professional that will give unbias information and save you potentially thousand of dollars. Please sign up for my blog so you don’t miss it. And come see me at www.caregiverrelief.com

I absolutely detest junk mail, I will not give or sell you email information to anyone else - ever. You have my word on that.

Martha Stewart testifies to Congress on behalf of Caregivers

Marta Stewart testifies to Congress on behalf of Caregivers

A couple of months ago Martha Stewart appeared in front of the US Special Committee on Aging. That’s right! Martha Stewart is a caregiver! Who would have imagined it? She testified before congress and shared her experiences as a caregiver of her mother. It was through her experience that she was compelled to start the Martha Stewart Center for Living, which is a clinic for coordinated outpatient geriatric services at Mount Sinai in New York. Her testimony was proffered along with testimony from Gerontological experts just two days after the release of a government report about the worsening workforce crisis in America.

coming soon: Special 2008 report by the Alzheimer’s Association!

Thinking about assisted living?

I am preparing a special report on the 10 most common mistakes people make when choosing an assisted living. It’s taking me a while because I want it to be completely comprehensive to include complete solutions to these common mistakes.
After all these years, I have been involved in hundreds of admissions. I have see them be completely successful and I have seen them fail miserably, and everything in between. Based on what I have experienced, based on both the mistakes I have made, and the mistakes that families have made, I have compiled the 10 most important things to be aware of. So in other words to address these issues that I am going to address, is to realize a big mistake. And most people do not think about these things until after they have chosen their community and signed an admission agreement.
If you are about to start touring communities, or if you think you may start looking in the distant future, you need this list. Until I have my website up, I am going to give it away. But I can’t print it here. Some of my colleagues might get very upset if they saw what I was putting into this special report. Therefore, rather than post the list in this blog, I am going email it to any subscribers of this blog. If you want to get a copy you need only subscribe to this blog, and email me a note to that fact. You can do this by looking for a link in this blog. By the way, you have nothing to fear, if you subscribe to a blog, any blog on WordPress; it only means that you will get an email with the content of any future posts. We do not give or sell your email address to anyone, and you will not receive any marketing emails of any kind. You will only receive the blog post and nothing else.
In the meantime, here is a sample of one of the points that I feel are safe to post. So to get the rest of make sure you subscribe to my blog. Again, WordPress, or I will not share your information with anyone else, and at any point if you wish to unsubscribe, you need only say so.

Number 4
Find out about cost-of-living rent increases
I am assuming that when you tour assisted living communities you will ask a lot of questions. Most communities will do their best give you all the information that you want. They want you to make a well informed decision. It is in their interest not to hide any costs from you. But it is impossible to cover everything in the short amount of time that you are there touring. They will, and should, tell you about every level of care and the different contingencies that would trigger an added cost to you. Things like incontinence care, or one-on-care. But one thing that often gets neglected is the cost of living adjustments. Every community has them, but they can vary dramatically. For example, if your rent is going to be $3000 (which is the average cost in Southern California) a 3% cost of living raise is almost $100 per month, 5% is $150.
Generally, the cost-of-living raises come annually, on the anniversary month that you moved in. But they can vary dramatically in amount of raise and frequency. Chances are that the admission agreement will be purposely vague on the amount, but very clear on the notification requirements. In California the notification requirement is that the facility is required to give you a 60 notice of any cost-of-living increase. In all likelihood they can’t tell you an exact amount, but it’s usually a percentage of your base rent. You should ask them something like “Traditionally what is your cost-of-living”? Or “urrently, what are you charging?” What is important here is that you factor this into your budget. Remember, the ideal is that your loved one lives another 10 years and 10 years of cost of living raises can be substantial.

Next week: Number 5 Not allowing for an adjustment period when your parent moves in

Take The Oxygen First, pt. two

If this is first time you are looking at my blog, please go back and start with the first half of this article.

These stubborn caregivers have made up their mind, sometimes decades earlier, and they are not about to listen to anything that challenges their preconceived notions...

But there are some very good reasons for being open-minded about assisted living. For example there comes a time, especially with Alzheimer’s disease, that the care needs of the sufferer are greater than the caregiver’s ability to provide for them. Given this circumstance, it would be a terrible disservice to the loved one, to keep them at home with inadequate care.

Unfortunately, when their care needs are this advanced, the only placement option is going to be a nursing home. The care required at that stage are medical not custodial, and therefore surpass the services offered by assisted living or board and care.

I want to propose a better course of action. If the caregiver relents, and a placement is made into an assisted living, they now have a home-like environment that will be safe, comfortable, and friendly towards the disabled family member. The caregiver is still able to oversee their loved one’s care. And as I will explain in a moment, the impaired family member can age in place and the assisted living will continue to provide care as demands increase, even end-of-life care.

The difference is this – an assisted living will accept a client that meets their resident profile, and when they do they generally make an unwritten commitment to their families. They will always provide the necessary care, and they will monitor the resident’s decline and keep the family and the doctors properly informed.

Generally the first level of care in assisted living is bathing assistance, medication management, and personal laundry. Nevertheless, as more care is need they will provide care and supervision, incontinence care, wheelchair transfers and escorts. The care in Assisted Living can increase to keep pace with the resident's decline. And when the end of life is approaching they can introduce the family to hospice, which in turn can provide the maximum amount of comfort measures to insure a peaceful passing.

So, if you approach board and care or assisted living while your loved one fairly high functioning, chances are they will keep your parent or spouse no matter how much they decline, thus permanently avoided a nursing home placement. Saddly, if you wait too long, no assisted living will touch them. Not so much because they don’t want to, but because the State regulations that govern them have strict admission criteria. The State wants to insure that board and cares and assisted living communities do not take high accuity that belong in a nursing home. However, once a client is admitted to assisted living, the same State regulations protect the resident’s ability to remain in the facility, thus aging in place.

To summerize, we now have a strong argument in favor of placement for your loved one, and preferably sooner than later.

Granted no employee of an assisted living knows or loves your parent or spouse the way you do, and no one understands them or their needs the way you do. There is not a person or facility that can replace you. So it behooves you and your loved one that you take proper care of yourself, so that you are around for the rest of their life. But as I described in part one of this article, I have seen many a late-stage Alzheimer's patient with no family, per se, to oversee thier care, because the primary caregiver has passed away themselves.

So let this be one more reason for considering assisted living: There is only one of you. You prepare and provide meals, you ensure a safe and secure home, you provide transportation, you are the eyes and the ears for the doctor, and you provide medication management. You also provide socialization and human contact and interaction. You make sure they have emotional stability, and feel loved. You provide entertainment. You do the laundry and make sure they bathe. You see to their grooming and you make sure they are dressed appropriately. You are burning yourself out.

However, if you were to place your loved one in a nice assisted living community, all these activities of daily living will be handled by their staff. This in turn frees you up to not only spend time on yourself, but to also spend quality time with your parent or spouse. Again, I suggest you take the oxygen first. If you do that your health will improve, you will extend your life, and you will always be there to care and advocate for your loved one.

Guided Imagery for Stress Management cont.

Guided Imagery is a proven and amazingly effective tool used clinically in hospitals, clinics and wellness centers all over the United States. Probably the most effect application and use of Guided Imagery is for Stress and emotional exhaustion and burnout. It is beneficial for all age groups. Caregivers like yourself can find tremendous benefits in your ability to cope with the frustration and hopelessness that often accompanies long-term caregiving
For those coping with health problems, guided imagery can ease anxiety, reduce pain and accelerate healing in tandem with your medical doctor’s treatment.
For the caregiver, imagery is an excellent addition to your self-care regimen. It will help you to manage stress, stay positive and motivate you to maintain your own health. It can also assist in releasing the anger, frustration and guilt that so often accompanies playing this role in your family. Caregivers report that guided imagery has helped them to accept and move through change with greater ease.
Guided imagery is a gentle but powerful technique that focuses and directs the imagination. Although it has been called "visualization" and "mental imagery", these terms are misleading. Guided imagery is more than just mental pictures, imagery involves all of the senses, and almost anyone can do this. Neither is it strictly a "mental" activity – it also involves emotions and the other four senses, and it is precisely this whole body focus that makes for its powerful impact.
Over the past 25 years, the effectiveness of guided imagery has been increasingly established by research findings that demonstrate its positive impact on health, creativity and performance. We now know that in many instances even 10 minutes of imagery can reduce blood pressure, lower cholesterol and glucose levels in the blood, and heighten short- term immune cell activity. It lessens headaches and pain. Because it is a right-brained activity, engaging in it will often be accompanied by other functions that reside in that vicinity: emotion, laughter, sensitivity to music, openness to spirituality, intuition, abstract thinking and empathy.
And because it mobilizes unconscious and pre-conscious processes to assist with conscious goals, it can bring to bear much more of a person's strength and motivation to accomplish a desired end. So, subtle and gentle as this technique is, it can be very powerful, and more and more so over time.
In the fold-out insert of my CD is says that Guided Imagery is an excellent mini-vacation that you can do in your favorite chair.
And the best part is:
Ø It cost nothing
Ø It does not take much time
Ø And you don’t need special equipment
Do you want to know how to guided imagery?
There are three basic steps:
I. Focused breathing
II. Progressive relaxation
III. And the mini-vacation
How do I do guided imagery?
1) Pick a location in your home that is comfortable and private.
2) Set aside 15 to 30 minutes that will be free of interruptions
3) Find a comfortable chair or lie on bed.
4) Take a couple of deep tension releasing breaths
Then, as your breath returns to normal put all of your attention on your breath. Keep your focus only on your breath. (Tip: when other thoughts or worries come up, gently release them and return attention to your breath).
5) After about 3 to 5 minutes, start your progressive relaxation:
ü Starting at the crown of your head, and very slowly moving down, begin thinking of each part of your body and visualize them releasing tension (muscle, tendons and ligaments) and relax.
ü As you slowly move down your entire body, imagine that with each breath you are drawing in soothing, calming energy and exhaling out tension and stress. Progressively move down your whole body.
6) Then, transport yourself mentally to your mini-vacation by picturing a special place that is safe and serene. Use your active imagination, and using your five senses make it as vivid as possible.
ü Sight
ü Sound
ü Touch
ü Smell
ü Taste
7) Allow yourself to spend as much time as you like in this special place. If you like, this is a good time repeat affirmations to yourself. They will be readily absorbed into your subconscious to manifest in the days to come.

Caregiving at a distance: when parents are in denial

The other day I was asked to speak to a large group about stress and stress management. It was not my typical audience. These were professionals of a large company that produces pace makers and other sophisticated medical equipment. Not the usual caregivers or healthcare professionals that comprise my audiences.
In giving my credentials during my introduction, I included my gerontological experience and offered to stay afterwards and talk to any caregivers that had questions or needed guidance. They were a great group and we had a lot of fun. Not surprisingly however, a half of a dozen people approached me afterwards.
A couple of these caregivers brought up a dilemma that I find to be all too common. Of all the possible situations this scenario the one that stumps me the most: What to do when your parent, who obviously needs help, refuses it? There are many variations on this theme. But they all fall under the heading of “stubborn refusal”. As a professional, I can help families in just about any circumstances they find themselves in, but when it comes to that “dig your heels in” kind of situation, it’s the worst.
For example, Margaret who lives 60 miles away from her mother has been trying to get her mom to move in with her for some time now. Mom is 80, getting frail, unable to really take care of herself, as she should. She has fallen a couple of times, once requiring a 911 response, but has had not broken any bones yet. She does not suffer from dementia, but is showing some forgetfulness. I would guess “Mild Cognitive Impairment” (MCI). Mom calls Margaret several times per week; each is a demand for some kind of assistance. Mom can no longer drive safely, and fortunately, out of fear, she doesn’t. However, this is an added burden to Margaret, as she has to make the round trip several times per week to do mom’s shopping, to help her with appointments, help with laundry. You know the drill. As you can imagine, Margaret is exhausted. She has her full time job, her own marriage and her kids with whom she wishes to spend time.
She has asked her mom to move in with her and the family, but mom refuses. She stubbornly clings to that age old mantra so many older adults use, “I’m not going to give up my independence”. Margaret has also discussed a senior community for mom. But that idea meets the same resistance as the first. All the while, mom’s independence is a delusion cultivated by conveniently ignoring the evidence and selfishly continuing to completely wear her daughter out.
There are only a few options open to Margaret, here’s the milder sneaker solution for getting her into a senior community.
Margaret needs to plant a seed in mom’s mind, here’s how. First, Margaret should contact a ‘referral agency’. A referral agency is a free service that helps you find board and care and assisted living communities. Generally, the way they work is you give them a physical description of your parent, a budget range, and preferred location, and they, in turn, give you a list of “communities” that fit your criteria. The next step is to go visit a few senior communities, Alone! Don’t let your parent know what you are doing yet. Once you have toured a few of these places, pick your top two. Next, invite mom out to lunch. Make arrangements with the facility to come for lunch and tour with your mom. As you are driving with mom, tell her that something came up and you need her help. You have a friend who is looking for a place for her mom, and your friend needs your help to check out this place. Explain to mom that you made a lunch appointment and ask her to help you. (“After all mom, it’s a free lunch, what have we got to lose”?)
Make sure you tell the marketing director of the facility what you are up to, so she can play along. (Fear not; they do this kind of stuff all the time). Afterwards, you can pick mom’s brain about what she liked and didn’t like. Beyond that, don’t bring it up again, the seed is planted. It may be months but she will more than likely bring it up again on her own. Don’t be surprised when out of the blue, your mom says “I’ve been thinking about that place we had lunch at…”
Nevertheless, even if she does figure out the ruse, and finds out that you tried to trick her into looking at one “of those” places, the deed is done. Hopefully, she knows you meant well. But if she gets mad, that’s ok too, she will get over it. The important thing is to get her in to see what these communities look like. So many older adults have a warped idea of what they are. You can never hope to see your parent in a safe environment like this until their preconceived prejudices are dispelled.
Some other options are: Get your parent to agree to a temporary stay (a 2-week vacation stay). Or if they are warming to the idea and on the fence, ask them to try it for 3 months and that you will keep their home or apartment available. Ultimately, their health is at stake. That’s why you are pushing for this. The truth is, if they do not take the board and care assisted living option, something catastrophic will happen and they could end up in a nursing home instead…and many consider that a fate worse than death.

Caregiving at a distance: when parents are in denial

The other day I was asked to speak to a large group about stress and stress management. It was not my typical audience. These were professionals of a large company that produces pace makers and other sophisticated medical equipment. Not the usual caregivers or healthcare professionals that comprise my audiences.
In giving my credentials during my introduction, I included my gerontological experience and offered to stay afterwards and talk to any caregivers that had questions or needed guidance. They were a great group and we had a lot of fun. Not surprisingly however, a half of a dozen people approached me afterwards.
A couple of these caregivers brought up a dilemma that I find to be all too common. Of all the possible situations this scenario the one that stumps me the most: What to do when your parent, who obviously needs help, refuses it? There are many variations on this theme. But they all fall under the heading of “stubborn refusal”. As a professional, I can help families in just about any circumstances they find themselves in, but when it comes to that “dig your heels in” kind of situation, it’s the worst.
For example, Margaret who lives 60 miles away from her mother has been trying to get her mom to move in with her for some time now. Mom is 80, getting frail, unable to really take care of herself, as she should. She has fallen a couple of times, once requiring a 911 response, but has had not broken any bones yet. She does not suffer from dementia, but is showing some forgetfulness. I would guess “Mild Cognitive Impairment” (MCI). Mom calls Margaret several times per week; each is a demand for some kind of assistance. Mom can no longer drive safely, and fortunately, out of fear, she doesn’t. However, this is an added burden to Margaret, as she has to make the round trip several times per week to do mom’s shopping, to help her with appointments, help with laundry. You know the drill. As you can imagine, Margaret is exhausted. She has her full time job, her own marriage and her kids with whom she wishes to spend time.
She has asked her mom to move in with her and the family, but mom refuses. She stubbornly clings to that age old mantra so many older adults use, “I’m not going to give up my independence”. Margaret has also discussed a senior community for mom. But that idea meets the same resistance as the first. All the while, mom’s independence is a delusion cultivated by conveniently ignoring the evidence and selfishly continuing to completely wear her daughter out.
There are only a few options open to Margaret, here’s the milder sneaker solution for getting her into a senior community.
Margaret needs to plant a seed in mom’s mind, here’s how. First, Margaret should contact a ‘referral agency’. A referral agency is a free service that helps you find board and care and assisted living communities. Generally, the way they work is you give them a physical description of your parent, a budget range, and preferred location, and they, in turn, give you a list of “communities” that fit your criteria. The next step is to go visit a few senior communities, Alone! Don’t let your parent know what you are doing yet. Once you have toured a few of these places, pick your top two. Next, invite mom out to lunch. Make arrangements with the facility to come for lunch and tour with your mom. As you are driving with mom, tell her that something came up and you need her help. You have a friend who is looking for a place for her mom, and your friend needs your help to check out this place. Explain to mom that you made a lunch appointment and ask her to help you. (“After all mom, it’s a free lunch, what have we got to lose”?)
Make sure you tell the marketing director of the facility what you are up to, so she can play along. (Fear not; they do this kind of stuff all the time). Afterwards, you can pick mom’s brain about what she liked and didn’t like. Beyond that, don’t bring it up again, the seed is planted. It may be months but she will more than likely bring it up again on her own. Don’t be surprised when out of the blue, your mom says “I’ve been thinking about that place we had lunch at…”
Nevertheless, even if she does figure out the ruse, and finds out that you tried to trick her into looking at one “of those” places, the deed is done. Hopefully, she knows you meant well. But if she gets mad, that’s ok too, she will get over it. The important thing is to get her in to see what these communities look like. So many older adults have a warped idea of what they are. You can never hope to see your parent in a safe environment like this until their preconceived prejudices are dispelled.
Some other options are: Get your parent to agree to a temporary stay (a 2-week vacation stay). Or if they are warming to the idea and on the fence, ask them to try it for 3 months and that you will keep their home or apartment available. Ultimately, their health is at stake. That’s why you are pushing for this. The truth is, if they do not take the board and care assisted living option, something catastrophic will happen and they could end up in a nursing home instead…and many consider that a fate worse than death.

The Stress of Caregiving

The Stress of Caregiving
If you give care for a parent, spouse or elderly family member, you are certainly under a lot of pressure and stress. Perhaps you feel guilty because you think you aren't doing enough, and you're frustrated that you can't do more.
You are not alone. Most everyone who provides major care for parents and spouses experience stress and depression. Studies show that long-term stress is not just unpleasant – it can negatively affect your health, well-being, and ability to provide care. The strain of caregiving is so detrimental that statically, 50% of caregivers for loved ones with Alzheimer's die before their infirmed spouse or parent. Clearly, when you are caring for others, taking care of yourself and your needs is imperative.
Managing your stress and resolving your caregiving problems will improve your physical and mental health to benefit yourself, your elderly loved ones, and others who depend on you.
How can I do that you may ask? Well one way is to enlist the help of a life coach. My website is in the works and not up yet. But here is an excerpt from it. Besides offering geriatric care managment, I've started a more affordable alternative. For that matter, a more effect alternative in the long run. Its called Caregiver Coaching. Here's the excerpt:
CAREGIVER COACHING
A revolutionary concept for helping caregivers, caregiver coaching unlike geriatric care management, is an affordable support option for struggling or new caregivers.
If you are familiar with ‘life coaching’ then you can easily imagine how Caregiver Coaching works.
Wikipedia.org defines it this way: Life coaching is a practice of assisting clients to determine and achieve personal goals. A coach will use a variety of methods, tailored to the client, to move through the process of setting and reaching goals.

Many caregivers often feel alone in their struggle to care for their spouse or parent, having little contact with people that understand them or what they are going through. With caregiver coaching, they now have a knowledgeable and understanding person that they can turn to whenever they want or need encouragement and informed feedback. A caregiver coach gives you a calm, objective view on your life and circumstances, and even a structured plan for improving it. You may think of a life coach as a knowledgeable friend or companion with no agenda except to help you live your life at the best possible level you can imagine. You can view your coach as a best friend with no problems of their own and a management consultant without a high price tag.
Caregiver Coaching starts with initial interview. The client and the coach get to know one another. We cover everything from you current circumstance to your personal philosophy of life; from your goals or vision, to your limitations. We will help you design your support structure and frame our relationship. It may be that we speak on weekly basis with the option of calling me when you have a need for guidance or just to vent your frustration, or it may daily contact, it’s all up to you. Caregiver coaching has brought many caregivers back from the throws of depression and desperation to a renewed sense of joy and purpose.

********

So what do you think? Do you think it can help you? Please contact me. Either here, or a www.caregiverrelief.com or at donahueg@alumni.usc.edu

Caregiver Relief: For those who care for a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease

Welcome to my very first blog. I have been looking for a way to reach and help caregivers for quite some time, and if someone who is struggling to take care of a loved one finds solutions in these pages, I will be pleased. For the past 15 years as a Gerontologist working in the aging field I have met hundreds of families who have found themselves in the position of caring for a family member and are at loss as to what to do and how to do it. In the days and pages to come I will be addressing a number of topics including:

· So your parents can no longer live alone?
· When the doctor says your mom has Alzheimer’s.
· Assisted Living answers for first-time caregivers.
· How to keep your parents out of a Nursing Home.
· How to help your surviving parent cope when their spouse dies.
· Hiring and keeping help for your parents when they don’t want it.
· Getting the car keys from Dad, “grounding” your parents.
· Shingles, Tingles and Wrinkles. Caregiving the new frontier.
· How to save money without sacrificing care.
· How to keep the nursing home from eating up your inheritance.
· When your parent's wishes and their care needs conflict.
· How to be a good parent to your parents – reversing roles.
· Family dynamics: Denial – getting over the guilt

The underlying theme in all these topics is stress management, by helping caregivers to cope by educating and guiding them through the maze of health care services and programs. There are dozens of anecdotes and stories that I will be using to illustrate the many topics and situations that caregivers face. My emphasis will be on caring for the caregiver. If you are a caregiver, I hope you find help and solutions here, and I welcome your feedback, questions and comments.