TEN THINGS EVERY NEW CAREGIVER SHOULD KNOW

Going on two decades, I have met hundreds of family caregivers. What is interesting is that they are all mostly self-taught. For most of them it’s a long and difficult learning curve. Not because the necessary information is difficult to learn or understand, but because there are few centralized sources that give you the full range of services and programs that you will need and that are available.

Part of the reason is that each business which has a focus on older adults is biased to the services that they provide. It’s natural. Every business is an expert in their own field, and their knowledge, and their interest for that matter, in other services is limited. For example, if I need a car and go into a Ford dealer, do you think they are likely to refer me to Dodge dealer? Even if they know that Dodge has the exact type of vehicle that I am looking for, they will probably try to fit me into the best Ford that matches my needs. I don’t fault them for that. If anything, I have myself to blame. I should have done my homework. Unfortunately the information I need to buy a car is lot easier to find that the information I need to best take care of my mom. And this is why I say most caregivers are self-taught. It is often a case of trial and error.

I am not implying that these service providers are dishonest; it’s just that each has a field that they favor. For example, a home health agency provides paid caregivers for the home. That’s their business, that’s what they know best. Their knowledge is limited about other options like assisted living or nursing homes. And by virtue of who they are, they think that home health care is always the superior option. Conversely, assisted living communities have the same mind-set about what they do. They in turn believe that theirs is the better option. And so it goes with most service providers, regardless of their service or product. The upshot is that we have a fragmented delivery system for senior services. And as a result, caregivers and seniors end up having to do a lot of homework to navigate the maze of senior services and programs.

Sometimes their introduction to the world of gerontology is the result of a sudden illness or accident, precipitated by trip the emergency room and a short stay in the hospital. Other times it’s the result of a progressive chronic illness or disease. If I could be there for the first group, I would suggest that they find a Geriatric Care Manager right away. It will be worth the initial assessment and consultation fee, and it will save a lot of time, grief and money (More about that later). I say this because hospital discharge planners are notorious for giving a family 24 hours notice or less before sending a patient home. And if you feel that you are unable to take your parent or spouse home, they may suggest a transfer to a nursing home. Therefore, if you want to avoid having to pick a nursing home sight unseen, you may want to do some homework ahead of time.

If you are in the second group, you are fortunate to have the luxury of doing some research in the early stages of your loved ones illness. Unfortunately, many put this off way too long and find themselves in a downward spiral of providing care beyond their ability and capacity. They wear themselves out, and unintentionally putting themselves and their loved ones at risk. All too often they do this until they end up in the first group, with their parent or spouse in the hospital and a discharge planner giving them 24 hours notice to make important decisions for placement and/or care options.

In either case, fear not, there is still time to do some research and start making plans that are well-informed and appropriate. If fact a short stay in a nursing home may buy you precious time to do some homework that suites both you and your family. In the following pages and posts I will explain the “Ten Things that Every New Caregiver Should Know”

1. Know your loved one’s true condition
a. Physically
b. Cognitively
c. Financially
2. Learn the territory
3. Find out where you stand
4. Know the future (yes its possible)
5. Know your options
6. Recognize your needs
7. Find your allies
8. Know your limitations
9. Develop your contingency plan
10. Know your enemy

Please stay tuned…

Introduction continued

If you are a caregiver you know it. A caregiver is someone who provides care and assistance to another person, usually a parent or a spouse, who is incapacitated either physically, mentally or both. Currently, the largest group of caregivers in the country are daughters and/or wives who are caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementia.
Regardless of the relationship, gender, or the illness, the personal stress and suffering of adult caregivers are remarkably similar. Unfortunately while most caregivers are aware that they are under a lot of pressure, they don’t truly realize the precarious position that they are in. Stress is arguable the number one killer in the country. Prolonged stress can lead to dozens of serious conditions. Statistics from the Alzheimer’s Association report that half of all caregivers pass away before the person they are caring for.
Even though no one can take care of your loved one as well as you can, you also need to take care of yourself. If you, as a caregiver become incapacitated or seriously ill who will step in and provide your loved one’s care as well as you do? No one? Then you need help and support now to improve the chances that you will always be there.
However, at this point in time you may not know how to juggle all your different responsibilities and get the support you need to provide the best care possible, and still have a life. That’s where we comes in. I will be posting a website soon "caregiverrelief.com". It will be mostly an informative site. However, I was recently commissioned by the Los Angeles Area on Agency and Los Angeles Caregiver Resource Center to produce a stress managment CD specifically for caregiver, and a retail version of that CD will be available on the site as well.
Our primary goal with caregiverrelief.com is to provide caregivers like yourself with the resources to meet your emotional, physical and spiritual needs as well as those of your loved one. We want to help you to regain your life and peace of mind.
Our Mission is:
To provide practical answers and guidance.
To offer solutions in the face of seemingly desperate circumstances.
To bring hope and relief to strained and frazzled caregivers.

Caregiver Relief: For those who care for a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease

Welcome to my very first blog. I have been looking for a way to reach and help caregivers for quite some time, and if someone who is struggling to take care of a loved one finds solutions in these pages, I will be pleased. For the past 15 years as a Gerontologist working in the aging field I have met hundreds of families who have found themselves in the position of caring for a family member and are at loss as to what to do and how to do it. In the days and pages to come I will be addressing a number of topics including:

· So your parents can no longer live alone?
· When the doctor says your mom has Alzheimer’s.
· Assisted Living answers for first-time caregivers.
· How to keep your parents out of a Nursing Home.
· How to help your surviving parent cope when their spouse dies.
· Hiring and keeping help for your parents when they don’t want it.
· Getting the car keys from Dad, “grounding” your parents.
· Shingles, Tingles and Wrinkles. Caregiving the new frontier.
· How to save money without sacrificing care.
· How to keep the nursing home from eating up your inheritance.
· When your parent's wishes and their care needs conflict.
· How to be a good parent to your parents – reversing roles.
· Family dynamics: Denial – getting over the guilt

The underlying theme in all these topics is stress management, by helping caregivers to cope by educating and guiding them through the maze of health care services and programs. There are dozens of anecdotes and stories that I will be using to illustrate the many topics and situations that caregivers face. My emphasis will be on caring for the caregiver. If you are a caregiver, I hope you find help and solutions here, and I welcome your feedback, questions and comments.